Captive Thoughts

Ever have something to say/write and it gets stuck somewhere between your brain and mouth/fingers? That has been me for a couple weeks now.

My friends are currently studying the book of Job and although I haven’t been to a gathering yet, I am attempting to run along side them by doing the homework as well. (You should follow the blog for the study, it’s here).

One of the homework assignments was to read one of a few selected books that had similar themes to the story of Job. One of the books on the list was ANGRY CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Susan Isaacs. Ironically enough I had had the book on my audible wish list for a couple months and just hadn’t downloaded it yet. So seeing it mentioned for the study I thought ok I’ll download and listen to it now.

Let me share a brief about the book from the website -

Angry Conversations With God began when Susan hit hit forty and found herself loveless, jobless, and living over a garage. When a churchy friend told Susan that she needed to look at her relationship with God was it like a marriage, Susan decided to take God to marriage counseling.

Angry Conversations chronicles Susan’s spiritual history, from childhood faith to a midlife crisis, and all the bizarre church experiences in between.

I was raised Lutheran: Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lutheran. But as an adult I tried everything: Pentecostals, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Rock ’n’ Roll Slackers 4 Jesus, Actors for Yahweh. Then I said, “Screw it,” and became a drunk and a slut. Well, a Lutheran slut- I only slept with two guys. Then I got sober and into AA, where I could pick whatever God I wanted. But I didn’t pick God; God picked me. I’ve known him as long as I could remember. I’ve been washed in the blood, slain in the Spirit; I walked through the Bible, I’ve been baptized twice; I’ve done outward cleansing and inner healing. I even went through a therapy program for ex-gays, and I was never gay. Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good. Until that moment in Central Park…

I will start off by saying that I found myself sucked in from the first few minutes of listening to the book. Not only was the content something I identified with (deeply) but Susan reads the book herself. Her tone and inflection really adds a dimension to the story that would fall flat if someone else had read it or if I had just picked up the book. Hearing the depth of her voice in parts is what really cut through the muck to my heart.

I will be the first to admit that I have had many angry conversations with God. I can remember moments where, if God had a physical chest, I wailed and pounded on it. I can think of a time where I walked away - wanting absolutely nothing to do with Him or His people ever again. I have screamed, cussed, fumed, and given the silent treatment - but like Susan “Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good.”

This isn’t much of a book review, perhaps that will come through the next few entries but what I do what to encourage you to do - is to read/listen the book. We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all had crazy religious friends. We’ve all had moments of being angry. And we all need to sit back and let laughter and sarcasm help wash the wounds a bit.

Sidenote - Susan has a blog and a twitter. I really highly recommend reading and following her.

Last night I had an experience that was like none other.  The best way that I can describe it is - sometimes you take the picture and sometimes the picture takes you - (dunno if that is famous or not but that is what came in my mind).

Last night at SOS a luau was held where the guests of honor were adults with special needs.  I would venture to guess there were (in addition to the folks there for SOS) another 500 to 700 guests for the luau.  Quite honestly it was overwhelming at first because I had no idea what was going on.

But once I got adjusted to all the activity, it was quite possibly one of the most beautiful displays of love I have ever seen in my life.

I could sit here and list all the activities that were going on but I want to share two stories and one picture.

In the great room there was a dj and everyone was dancing and having so much fun.  I was cutting through to try and get some pictures when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.  There was this older woman who was wheel chair bound dancing with a kid who looked to be about 9th grade.  He was holding her hands while his other friend spun her in her wheelchair (think ballerina kind spin).  The 3 of them had smiles that I believe will forever be etched in their hearts.  I stood stunned and watched them for several minutes.  They were having so much fun and that lady, you could just tell, felt like she was the queen of the universe.  I wanted to take a picture but I couldn’t lift the camera to my eyes.

The second story is related to the picture below.

You see at first the inflatables were just another place to get some pictures.  It wasn’t until I moved closer and actually listened to those playing that I became dumbfounded.

The two students on either side of this woman helped her “suit up” and get ready to play.  On her own she was unable to navigate the inflatable and the gear.  As she stood there ready to play these two guys picked up the lance (or whatever it is called) and held it with her.  Together they played.  As long as those two were by her side she could swing, jab, and win at the game.

Now I will admit, I try to not “over spiritualize” things.  I don’t go looking for Jesus in my corn flakes but I do believe there are moments that are meant for more than just what is happening.

As I watched the students and their guest and listened to everything around me I was reminded of this story -

Exodus 17:8-16

⁸ While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. ⁹ Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.”

¹⁰ So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. ¹¹ As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. ¹² Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. ¹³ As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.

You see, with those guys by her side she was defeating the world.  She had support.  Aaron and Hur were aware enough to take action to help and so were those students.

Call me crazy - but that moment took me.  The whole luau is what that moment was.

It is about standing side by side and going at life together.  It’s about moving past whatever may hinder a person.  It’s about seeing each and every person as the gem that they are.

I wish you could have been there and my hope/prayer/wish is that even though you weren’t there last night - that each day you are given a moment where you can be the support someone needs.

I find books like God’s Harvard or The Year of Living Biblically to be very interesting.

I am fascinated by what others think of Christians and how we live life. Sure sometimes things are blown out of context and there are those that represent the extremes, but that happens in any sub culture.

I have heard of a new book coming called, “The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University” and today I read my first article on it (Ivy Leaguer ‘infiltrates’ Falwell’s University).

Needless to say I will be attempting to read this one very soon.

Does anyone else find this stuff fascinating or am I just weird?

Today I turn 33 and today you get to meet Pocket Jesus.  I wrote briefly about him and our to-be adventures a few days ago.  You can read that entry here.

But now let me take a moment to introduce you to Pocket Jesus.

Pocket Jesus meet my loyal readers…loyal readers meet Pocket Jesus…

So yesterday I ran out looking for the number birthday candles because I wanted my 1st picture to be of Jesus and 33 in birthday candles.  I opted for the numbers so that standing up 33 little cake candles wouldn’t be depressing and I could just see the candles being more like dominos and a pain.

So as I am checking out at Hobby Lobby they lady asks me, “So are you the one turning 33?”  To which I replied, “Yes.” and I chuckled because I knew what the candles were for.  She wished me a happy birthday and I was on my way. It was then when I got out to the car that I wondered if I looked pathetic for buying my own birthday candles.  Oh well…

So let’s give it up for Pocket Jesus posing with candles that are larger than he is.  I wondered if he feared me lighting them because they would melt his little plastic self.

Oh yes it’s a beautiful day when U2 releases their new single called Get On Your Boots from their new cd called, No Line On The Horizon.

You don’t know how beautiful you are….

Listen to the song and decide which of the 5 ways you are going to buy the cd here.

Here’s the lyrics…

U2 - Get On Your Boots Lyrics
The future needs a big kiss
Winds blows with a twist
Never seen a moon like this
Can you see it too?

Night is falling everywhere
Rockets at the fun fair
Satan loves a bomb scare
But he won’t scare you

Hey, sexy boots
Get on your boots, yeah

You free me from the dark dream
Candy floss ice cream
All our kids are screaming
But the ghosts aren’t real

Here’s where we gotta be
Love and community
Laughter is eternity
If joy is real

You don’t know how beautiful
You don’t know how beautiful you are
You don’t know, and you don’t get it, do you?
You don’t know how beautiful you are

That’s someone’s stuff they’re blowing up
We’re into growing up
Women of the future
Hold the big revelations

I got a submarine
You got gasoline
I don’t want to talk about wars between nations

Not right now

Hey sexy boots…
Get on your boots, yeah
Not right now
Bossy boots

You don’t know how beautiful
You don’t know how beautiful you are
You don’t know, and you don’t get it, do you?
You don’t know how beautiful you are

Hey sexy boots
I don’t want to talk about the wars between the nations
Sexy boots, yeah

Let me in the sound
Let me in the sound
Let me in the sound, sound
Let me in the sound, sound
Meet me in the sound

Let me in the sound
Let me in the sound, now
God, I’m going down
I don’t wanna drown now
Meet me in the sound

Let me in the sound
Let me in the sound
Let me in the sound, sound
Let me in the sound, sound
Meet me in the sound

Get on your boots
Get on your boots
Get on your boots
Yeah hey hey

For the lazy the cd details are behind the cut.