My friends are currently studying the book of Job and although I haven’t been to a gathering yet, I am attempting to run along side them by doing the homework as well. (You should follow the blog for the study, it’s here).

One of the homework assignments was to read one of a few selected books that had similar themes to the story of Job. One of the books on the list was ANGRY CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Susan Isaacs. Ironically enough I had had the book on my audible wish list for a couple months and just hadn’t downloaded it yet. So seeing it mentioned for the study I thought ok I’ll download and listen to it now.

Let me share a brief about the book from the website -

Angry Conversations With God began when Susan hit hit forty and found herself loveless, jobless, and living over a garage. When a churchy friend told Susan that she needed to look at her relationship with God was it like a marriage, Susan decided to take God to marriage counseling.

Angry Conversations chronicles Susan’s spiritual history, from childhood faith to a midlife crisis, and all the bizarre church experiences in between.

I was raised Lutheran: Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lutheran. But as an adult I tried everything: Pentecostals, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Rock ’n’ Roll Slackers 4 Jesus, Actors for Yahweh. Then I said, “Screw it,” and became a drunk and a slut. Well, a Lutheran slut- I only slept with two guys. Then I got sober and into AA, where I could pick whatever God I wanted. But I didn’t pick God; God picked me. I’ve known him as long as I could remember. I’ve been washed in the blood, slain in the Spirit; I walked through the Bible, I’ve been baptized twice; I’ve done outward cleansing and inner healing. I even went through a therapy program for ex-gays, and I was never gay. Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good. Until that moment in Central Park…

I will start off by saying that I found myself sucked in from the first few minutes of listening to the book. Not only was the content something I identified with (deeply) but Susan reads the book herself. Her tone and inflection really adds a dimension to the story that would fall flat if someone else had read it or if I had just picked up the book. Hearing the depth of her voice in parts is what really cut through the muck to my heart.

I will be the first to admit that I have had many angry conversations with God. I can remember moments where, if God had a physical chest, I wailed and pounded on it. I can think of a time where I walked away – wanting absolutely nothing to do with Him or His people ever again. I have screamed, cussed, fumed, and given the silent treatment – but like Susan “Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good.”

This isn’t much of a book review, perhaps that will come through the next few entries but what I do what to encourage you to do – is to read/listen the book. We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all had crazy religious friends. We’ve all had moments of being angry. And we all need to sit back and let laughter and sarcasm help wash the wounds a bit.

Sidenote – Susan has a blog and a twitter. I really highly recommend reading and following her.

I am fascinated by what others think of Christians and how we live life. Sure sometimes things are blown out of context and there are those that represent the extremes, but that happens in any sub culture.

I have heard of a new book coming called, “The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University” and today I read my first article on it (Ivy Leaguer ‘infiltrates’ Falwell’s University).

Needless to say I will be attempting to read this one very soon.

Does anyone else find this stuff fascinating or am I just weird?

Let me give a bit of back story first….

October 21st makes it 15 years since I first decided to give living like Jesus a try.  15 years of sitting under all kinds of teaching, going to various churches, reading various books, and trying to make sense of it all.  15 years of trying to love God and love others.  Somedays 15 years seems like it has only been a few days and somedays 15 years seems just short of eternity.  (Maybe I’ll write about what I have gone through in those 15 years here soon, but that is not the point of this entry.)

In 15 years I have heard at least 100 different descriptions on how our relationship with God should be…it’s like a pyramid, JOY (Jesus Others You), a marriage, a dance, like a bullseye, etc.  All of them trying to convey the importance putting God/Jesus at the center of everything you do.  All of them made sense at some point in time but yet at the same time they seemed empty, like they were missing the best part – the community of what your life is.

When I read the passage below, it was the first time I had heard a description of what our relationship with God/Jesus should be like where it incorported the community of what your life is.  Where you were allowed, without guilt, to enjoy your friends, work, hobbies, etc.  It is a description where they all connect.

So read below and be encouraged…let your relationship become like a mobile.

“But,” Mack wasn’t convinced. “But don’t you want us to set priorities? You know: God first, the whatever, followed by whatever?”

“The trouble with living with prorities,” Sarayu spoke, “is that it sees everything as a hierarchy, a pyramid, and you and I have already had that discussion. If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?”

Papa again interrupted. “You see, Mackenzie, I don’t just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day.”

Jesus now spoke again. “Mack, I don’t want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, the together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life – you friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities – is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back in forth, in an incredible dance of being.”

“And I,” concluded Sarayu, “I am the wind.”

“Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means I cause it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.”

“Well I really have no idea. I mean, you’re God and I’m not.” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but she ignored it completely.”

Yes but not exactly. At least not in the way you’re thinking. Mackenzie, I am what some would say ‘holy, and wholly other than you.’ The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn’t much, and then call that God. Abd while it may seem like a nobel effort, the truth is that is falls pitifully short of who I really am. I’m not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyong all that you ask for or think.”