Captive Thoughts

8 Years

Today marks 8 years since Brian passed away.  It’s crazy honestly.  It seems like it was a lifetime ago, yet just yesterday.

To say that my world hasn’t been the same is an understatement.  It’s heart wrenching honestly to think of all the crap he and his family went through.  It sucked so bad to just sit back and not be able to do anything.  I am not sure I have ever experienced such pain and anguish as I did the night he died.

I realize that may sound over dramatic, but it’s true.  I have not had many people who are close close to me pass away.  With Brian he was like my brother.  I was so entangled in all that he was going through, it felt like I lost a battle too.

Usually every year on this date and/or his birthday I try to write a little something.  Perhaps it’s my pathetic way of remembering him and keeping the memories alive.  For this entry I want to do a Top 10 of Memories.

10. I was an actress and part student director of our high school play Oliver, in which Brian played Mr. Bumble.  I will never forget having to reach down his nasty sweaty costume, that included a fat suit, to change his battery in his lapel.  He personally loved to gross me out while I was doing it.

9. One time we (well more like Brian) were playing with bottle rockets.  I had just told him he needed to be careful because I was pretty sure he was going to land one on the neighbor’s balcony across the street.  No sooner had I said it one went screaming through the spindles and in their front door.  We frantically dove inside his house and sat there in amazement hoping to not get in trouble.

8.  I am not sure where we were coming back from but Brian was driving one car and Jimi was driving another.  (I dunno who the passengers were, but I was with Brian.)  Brian and Jimi started racing back to Brian’s house.  Jimi flew past a cop and it followed him to Brian’s house.  We slowed down hoping to not get caught (good friends aren’t we) but it didn’t work.  When Brian pulled up the cop was waiting on him too.  I don’t think either of them got a ticket.

7.  All of the many random trips to Wal-Marts and Meijer’s to track down the Star Wars action figures that he was looking for.  Usually these trips were after midnight and involved it being a last minute idea, but it was our way of bonding.

6.  Birdie’s Home Interior Eagle and all the near misses it endured only to end up being broken and super glued back together.  Which she noticed right away!

5. Brian had tried for months and months to get me to sing a “special music” at church.  I was scared and kept saying no.  Well one time while shopping he made me buy a track just so I could see how it was and such.  We would drive around and listen to it and he would make me sing it over and over and over.  I did end up signing in church, often.  I owe it to his persistence.

4.  Brian could be a brat.  He could be loud, pestering, and annoy the crap out of you.  He had this way of saying what you were going to say but in a much higher annoying voice right as you said.  He would pester you till you smiled if it were a bad day.  He could be such a brat, but it was an endearing quality…most days. :)

3.  He always encouraged me to chase my dreams.  He would sit and dream of stuff for “that Christian club” I wanted to started.  He was relentless with support when I launched the first palace.  I remember him coming up in the middle of the first night and asking, “So how is it to see your dream come true?”  His involvement and support is still priceless to me today.

2.  I love to watch Jeopardy and play along.  Brain, Teresa, and Steve would sit around and watch Jeopardy.  We would keep score and everything.  I didn’t win often but I loved that “family time”.

1.  We both played softball and volleyball together and we would spin countless hours creating mix cds of hype music to pump ourselves up to play.  In particular for softball we had a cd for it we took the long way and a cd for the short way.  One time we even made a cd for when we won and were driving home.