Captive Thoughts

Angry Converstations with God

Ever have something to say/write and it gets stuck somewhere between your brain and mouth/fingers? That has been me for a couple weeks now.

My friends are currently studying the book of Job and although I haven’t been to a gathering yet, I am attempting to run along side them by doing the homework as well. (You should follow the blog for the study, it’s here).

One of the homework assignments was to read one of a few selected books that had similar themes to the story of Job. One of the books on the list was ANGRY CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Susan Isaacs. Ironically enough I had had the book on my audible wish list for a couple months and just hadn’t downloaded it yet. So seeing it mentioned for the study I thought ok I’ll download and listen to it now.

Let me share a brief about the book from the website -

Angry Conversations With God began when Susan hit hit forty and found herself loveless, jobless, and living over a garage. When a churchy friend told Susan that she needed to look at her relationship with God was it like a marriage, Susan decided to take God to marriage counseling.

Angry Conversations chronicles Susan’s spiritual history, from childhood faith to a midlife crisis, and all the bizarre church experiences in between.

I was raised Lutheran: Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Lutheran. But as an adult I tried everything: Pentecostals, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Rock ’n’ Roll Slackers 4 Jesus, Actors for Yahweh. Then I said, “Screw it,” and became a drunk and a slut. Well, a Lutheran slut- I only slept with two guys. Then I got sober and into AA, where I could pick whatever God I wanted. But I didn’t pick God; God picked me. I’ve known him as long as I could remember. I’ve been washed in the blood, slain in the Spirit; I walked through the Bible, I’ve been baptized twice; I’ve done outward cleansing and inner healing. I even went through a therapy program for ex-gays, and I was never gay. Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good. Until that moment in Central Park…

I will start off by saying that I found myself sucked in from the first few minutes of listening to the book. Not only was the content something I identified with (deeply) but Susan reads the book herself. Her tone and inflection really adds a dimension to the story that would fall flat if someone else had read it or if I had just picked up the book. Hearing the depth of her voice in parts is what really cut through the muck to my heart.

I will be the first to admit that I have had many angry conversations with God. I can remember moments where, if God had a physical chest, I wailed and pounded on it. I can think of a time where I walked away – wanting absolutely nothing to do with Him or His people ever again. I have screamed, cussed, fumed, and given the silent treatment – but like Susan “Through it all, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good.”

This isn’t much of a book review, perhaps that will come through the next few entries but what I do what to encourage you to do – is to read/listen the book. We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all had crazy religious friends. We’ve all had moments of being angry. And we all need to sit back and let laughter and sarcasm help wash the wounds a bit.

Sidenote – Susan has a blog and a twitter. I really highly recommend reading and following her.