It is Possible
This might come off as a bit of a ramble, because I haven’t really sat down and formulated my thoughts – so bear with me.
Several years ago Christmas time was ruined for me. The simplest way of saying it is, a grinch (not neccessarily a person per se) came and wrecked my love for the holiday. I was so hurt by all that happened that my heart became incredibly cynical. I put up walls to give myself space from the pain and the thought that it might happen again.
Not only did the grinch wreck my love for Christmas but it also destroyed my love and trust for the thing called church and the people who go there. I found myself not wanting to ever step foot inside a church building again. I basically became leary of any person who had any amount of authority in or connection to any church. I went from someone who would do almost anything you would ask them to do to help a church, to someone who wanted absouletly nothing to do with any of it.
It’s easy to not like Christmas or Christians honestly. So much of the Christmas season is over priced and over done and it just creates more stress than anyone needs. And if we are honest, most of the time, we as Christians probably give people more reasons to hate us than to love us. So it was easy. It was safe.
Over time my wounds have healed a bit. Not as much as I think sometimes, but they certainly aren’t as bad. The grinches that once attacked me have been removed from my life physically. Although they sometimes sneak back in attack through random memories, but for the most part they are reduced to very minor roles from my past.
I will admit that I am still incredibly timid when it comes to church. I am more involved than I was but I am not as involved as I was before I was hurt. It’s nice to be able to help out this church and then do something with this church and then help someone with something at another church. It is very freeing to feel like I am able to help a body of believers and not just have my attention and loyalty demanded by one place.
(See I am rambling…cause thus far I haven’t said what I wanted to say…)
Earlier this month, Joe Boyd (one of the teaching pastors at Vineyard) mentioned a challenge for this year’s Christmas season. He challenged to be less cynical this year. He mentioned that he is more cynical than not and he shared some of the same thoughts that run through my mind. So I thought, well I’ll give it a try. Honestly I figured I wouldn’t last. I figured one email campaign against not saying Merry Christmas would send me over the edge. But thus far, I have survived. In fact I realized the other day – my love for Christmas has returned.
I found myself giddy as I put up the Christmas tree. I would get all excited looking at the decorations in the stores. Just the other night I was sitting at the dining room table putting together little goody cups for my co-workers and I realized I was completely enjoying myself.
I also have come to realize that some of my respect for the church and it’s people have come back. I have spent a lot of time on the film set for the {Re}Gifter and this week I will be spending time with the stage aspect of it. Watching the volunteers work so hard at producing this production has blown me away. Seeing how incredibly creative the production is has renewed my hope that the church can be more than just bathrobe plays that we do just to do. Being apart of the creativity has given me new hope that it is possible for a bunch of people to be creative like the Creator of all that is.
I’m rambling again…
The bottom line is it is possible to enjoy what was once stolen and wrecked.