Captive Thoughts

15 Years…What Time Has Brought

So today, October 21, marks 15 years since I decided to live my life by someone else’s standards.  15 years ago tonight, I sat so close to a bonfire that I thought my face might melt off.  (What can I say I like fire.)  And while sitting there I listened to a guy describe Hell.  It wasn’t all scary and fearful.  He just simply opened my eyes to the fact that, although I like fire, I have no desire to be consumed by it.

So in the midst of his talk I said something like, “Jesus I really have no desire to hang out in Hell.  I want what I see in my friends.  I haven’t done a good job living my life so it’s yours if you want it.  Please do something better with it than I have.”

I don’t wanna make it sounds all magical and fairy-tale like but I honestly did feel like a weight was lifted off me.  There was this sense of relief.  I didn’t tell anyone right away because I didn’t want to screw it up.  I didn’t want to say I did something and it “not take effect”.  I didn’t want to make Jesus look like a failure. So I kept my mouth shut for 3 months.

At any rate, it’s been 15 years since that moment.  Somedays it feels like a lifetime ago and other days I can close my eyes and all my senses make it feel like it was last night.

So the other day I was thinking what has 15 years worth of time brought to me or taught me.  So I’ve been working on a list.  There is more, but this is what has come to mind.  If you know of something, add it in the comments.

In 15 years…

I have been a member of 3 Southern Baptist Churches, of those 3 churches I left 2 of them because of a difference of leadership style.  It was not fun leaving them…it sucked.

I am not currently a member of any church.

I have been in youth ministry in some sort of fashion for 14 years.

I have been told I would never last as a Christian because of my past.  (At this moment I would like to tell the person who said that to take a flying leap.)

I have gone to college and attempted to get a degree in ministry related fields.

I have seen angels and demons and their battle for people.

I have experienced God in a revival in college that has yet to ever be matched.

I have been so deeply hurt by people who claimed to be my brothers or sisters in Christ that I attempted to walk away from it all.  (God has way of walking with His kids when we don’t want him to.)

I have visions.

I have had impossible dreams come true.

I have tasted what God made me to do and it is more addictive than anything on this Earth.

I have felt life leave someone’s body and I have seen angels stand guard as it has happened.

I have been called crazy.

I have learned that grace is priceless.

I have worshipped with U2 and I swear it was a taste of Heaven.

I have become a person who loves.

Compassion has moved in where hate used to be.

I’m not who I was.